Is she still pissing in a river? Heard she'd gone and moved into a trailer park...

Hey guys, wanna know how much of a loser I am? I have a Myspace now. THAT IS HOW MUCH OF A LOSER...anyway, I justify this computer addiction with the fact that I'm leaving town in like a week, so I'm bingeing out on the Internet, getting my fix and then some before going cold turkey... (My myspace name is captaingalactos. You can go and, like, read a list of my favorite books I could think of.)

My family is back in town today, hooray. I hope Clairie got Albert's contact info while she was in Starkville. Yesterday me and Sars tried having a yard sale, but no one came, and I was like "fuck this", because I never wanted to have a yard sale to begin with. Do you really think that's something I would suggest? In *trash season*?? I was quite reluctant but she convinced me, and of course it's a stupid failure and then she's like "Well I have to work tomorrow but my mom said she would help you set up so you can do this again over the weekend" and I am like "No, thank you." I'm going to try and sell my real cute clothes and cute, worthwhile shit to Helen, and then anything else I'm going to just donate or something. Yard sales. Are you fucking kidding.

I am out of pain pills (EEK), and tonite I am supposed to go to Helen's because her folx are out of town, but I want to get some drogas beforehand...(I really like using that term, I first learned it because we were in a "protest" type class and on the first day everyone had to write down on the same sheet of paper one example of how they "protested" things, you know, in their life, and Dave wrote "by takin drugs, or drogas" and I thought it was very cute.) I have not smoked any cigarettes today, and I haven't really been smoking much at all since getting my teeth out (I smoked half a bowl of pot yesterday. Serioiusly. With Sarah.)...in theory I can inhale again soon without fear of drying my sockets, but they might already *be* dry is the thing, but I don't want to risk it so I've been putting cigarettes in my nose, which is gross and everything but you actually get used to it surprisingly fast. I tried smoking pot thru my nose and it was way too hot, which I should have known, so people have had to shotgun me and Sarah and Helen both suck at it. I haven't seen Lil since getting the surgery, and of course I don't have my regular caretaker anymore to make sure that all my drug needs are met...

I have been drawing pornographic comics lately, as I probably mentioned, and OMG! I bought a DILDO!! I was going crazy one day and went to Woman's Touch for a cheapo vibrator, and they had sale dildos so I got a purple one with a super-powered little vibrator that goes inside it for half off. It is really not very big, compared to a real penis--it can't be more than 6 inches long and 1 1/2 wide, I know I put it all the way in my mouth when I got it home just to make absolutely sure that it was, you know, a lot smaller than Dave's--but it HURTS! GOD it hurts! And I can't even get it all the way IN, I can only get like, 4 inches of it...this is WITH lube and WITH a vibrator inside it...so my genitals have shrunk in the past 2 months. I mean, I guess it makes sense--I was always really little, Dave said I was unbelievably tight the first time we fucked and this is after I'd been fucking Cyrus for a year so I never really got stretched out, and I haven't had any sex in more than 2 months--which is longer than I've gone without fucking since I *started.* That's why I needed to buy a dildo, y'know. And I'm not going to fuck any boys in the forseeable future at all, but knowing how little itty bitty I am makes me even more reluctant to. It's going to take awhile, but eventually I will find some boy who I finally decide is deserving of my freakishly awesome pussy, and his mind will be BLOWN when he finally gets there. (It's weird to think about finding a guy who "deserves" me--this has never been a factor for me before. I was usually turned on by guys who I really didn't feel deserved me, like Smerfo, but then the whole Dave thing just was so different and changed all my perceptions about sex and relationships and all that stuff. I just feel like if I fuck a guy who doesn't deserve to fuck me then it's like spitting on David's grave, you know? Like, debasing his most precious possession. He treated me like a goddess, like my body was the most important and valuable thing in existence, and so I feel like in his absence it would be disrespectful of me to allow anyone who's not going to show the proper respect to even touch what I still consider to be David's property.)

I dunno. Thinking about sex is really complicated for me right now. And I'm a scorpio, you know, and most of my power and most of my magic lies in the realm of the sexual, and I've got a super fucking high sex drive, so I think about it a LOT, which makes it even more complicated. I drew a really cute pornographic comic last nite, it's only 6 panels and it's just straightforward kissing and fucking and it's not even explicit (you see like, one tit), and it's not a long story about a hypothetical blowjob (which is what my other pornographic comix were turning out to be).

SPEAKING OF PORNOGRAPHIC COMIC BOOKS: CLAIRE: You should really try to get the new Alan Moore when it comes out, Lost Girls. It's about Alice from Alice in Wonderland, Dorothy from Wizard of Oz, and Wendy from Peter Pan. And it's pornography. And the woman who illustrated it, he first learned of her art cos she worked with S Clay Wilson & Spain Rodriguez in the 60s, and during the like, 15 years they were working on this comic together they became engaged. Doesn't that sound fuckin' cool? I know you may not be as into porn as I am, but GOD, doesn't that sound FUCKIN COOL.

Yes, yes it does.